How To Look And Feel Like A New Yorker And Not A Tourist

Part Two: On Walking

Approaching an intersection, do not stop walking until you’re a good 3-4 feet into the street. Walk signals, green or red, mean nothing in this town. Your walk signal is looking up the avenue and deciphering whether or not you can make it to the other side before the oncoming traffic enters the intersection. If you decide you can, do so. And you must walk across the street as if the automobile was never invented. If you decide you cannot safely cross, then refrain, but not without a look of exacerbation. Throwing your hands up in the air is a nice touch, but be careful not to inadvertently hail a cab.

If, on your walk, you see something interesting, you may glance, but under no circumstances are you to look at it. Whatever it is that has caught your attention, I assure you it’s not at all interesting, and only the Tourist would think so. This applies to noticing “how tall the buildings are,” “how many taxis there are,” “just how big Central Park is,” and, of course, “just how crazy Times Square is.”

How To Look And Feel Like A New Yorker And Not A Tourist

Part One: On Riding The Train

Once you’ve arrived on the train platform, it is important to go right up to the edge and look down the tunnel to see if your train is approaching. Two key things here: 1) Be sure to stand rather liberally upon the “Do Not Stand” yellow strip, and 2) Be sure to look the correct direction—do not be caught looking uptown for a train that is coming from downtown (this can easily be avoided by noticing which direction the New Yorkers are facing). Give it a good lean and a good long look. If you see your train approaching, simply stand back up and nod your head once or twice. Be careful not to give away more emotion than necessary. Your train’s timely arrival is not exciting, it is expected, and you simply want to convey your satisfaction with the result of your good planning and general skill at riding public transportation. If you do not see your train approaching, lean a little farther and let your look last a little longer. Then, upon returning to the upright position, shake your head side to side and roll your eyes slightly. Perhaps check your watch/cell phone for good measure. Repeat leaning/looking procedure every 30-45 seconds.